Wednesday, February 25, 2009

Romantic Comedy.

In my theatre class we have been talking about romantic comedies for some reason. So i started to think about every romantic comedy I've seen.
I'm pretty sure they were all the same movie.
I have compiled 2 lists of what every romantic comedy is all about.
The first list is of movies in which the main character is a guy.
If there is a parentheses following the motif it means that the sentence in the parenthesis is an alternate to the motif.

Male Main Character:
Movie opens with a “day in the life of” main character (or a history of his life so far and how he met the girl)
He is dumb yet still smart. (oblivious, but witty)
Slightly clumsy
Bed head
Average Joe (or looser)
Girl of interest is out of his league (or polar opposite)
Either have known each other their whole lives or just met within 5 minutes of the start of the movie
Best friend has a relationship of which the woman is extremely dominant (or he is a lady’s man)
Through mere charm, guy somehow gets girl, things are good.
Something ridiculously unlikely happens (usually as a result of the clumsiness)
Some extreme misunderstanding due to guy’s bad luck, wrong place at the wrong time.
Guy losses everything
A slow song played on the acoustic guitar (possibly female voice, possibly Atlantis Morissette)
Guy sad.
Inspirational speech by best friend or parents.
Through hard work and lots of convincing the couple gets back together.
all is forgiven
The song “my love open the door” by Pete Townsend will play.
Sunset, fade to credits.
Also the beach is involved somewhere in the movie.

Female Main Character:
(NOTE: this list quite smaller as i haven't seen very many of this type)
She has 3-4 best friends, all of whom are different shapes and sizes to show diversity and how we are all wonderful people just the way we are.
Guy of interest is ‘perfect’
Rains when something bad happens
Lots of crying from everybody
The end.
Audience is either really sad or really happy.

Tuesday, February 24, 2009

Dominant Pants: My Paper Topic.

This going to be a rather short blog explaining a possible topic for my upcoming English paper.

I have been starting to notice a common theme among TV. It is quite obvious and I'm sure that the entire TV watching population has also noticed, but i think it's worth bringing up.
It seems to be that in the TV universe all men are dumb, have no control over their relationships, and are submissive to their wives.
This has always annoyed me.
Sure i usually makes for funny shows, but it's so unoriginal. There seem to be only 2 TV dads that i can think of that somewhat had control of their families:
Cliff Huxtable and Al Bundy.
Every other TV dad is the same character. A slightly dumb, but quick witted average joe who's wife is way out of his league and she always has the upper hand (pants).
In fact, i believe that the term used in the industry is the Doofus Dad.
I think that we need to go back to the days of Ward Cleaver where the men were wise and authoritative.
Not every joke in a sitcom has to be at the dad's expense.
We need more creativity in today's television.

Is that a good topic?

Friday, February 20, 2009

Come On Down!

I love The Price is Right.
You will never see a person more happy than when they have been called to go on down.
The pure joy in these contestant's faces is incomparable.

Drew Carey is the man.
Drew subtlety makes fun of every contestant on the show, and nobody ever notices.

The thing i love about this show is that it is so geared towards the elderly but 57% of the contestants are college students.
All the prizes on the show are for senior citizens.
Unless the contestant is actually a senior, in which case they always get the one prize that is for the college student.

Seeing the mixed emotions of the contestants faces is so, well, priceless.
They start off surprised, then excited, then it turns to worried as they are afraid of falling down the aisle as they run to the front. Once the finally get to the booth the be calm down a little and try to be serious. If they win the bid, it goes right back up to excitement, that is until they see the prizes. Once the prize is revealed, there are two expressions they could have. 1) they will be extremely happy with "The brand new car!" or 2) they will be disappointed that it's not the car, but still try to keep a smile on because they are on TV. They then proceed to be extremely confused as Drew explains the game. They become even more confused as the audience screams what they think to be the real price of the Goldbond Foot Powder.

It seems like the easiest games to play are the hardest to win.

Time Out, commercial.
The HoverRound commercial plays at least 6 times during the hour showtime of The Price is Right.
The owner and spokesperson of the HoverRound is Tom Kruse. This makes me laugh. That guys life must have been terrible growing up.
"Hi, I'm Tom Kruse."
"No, really dude, what's your name?"
I've never seen someone happier to be in a wheelchair.
"Where will you go?"
Apparently the Grand Canyon, a field, Scotland, and a waterfall.
Maybe i should get a wheel chair. I wonder if i qualify for Medicare Part D. I could get a HoverRound for little or no cost to me!

When people bid like 1500, then the next person bids "1501, Drew!" I really don't like that. Those people are jerks. If that every happened to me, i would be quite angry. I'm always surprised that whenever that happens that the person that they did it to doesn't do anything.

The Wheel is one of my favorite parts of the show. It gives people a chance to make up for the terrible loss earlier in the game.
Today's Wheel was ridiculous. The first contestant spun an 85. Solid spin. He outlasted all the other contestants, until it came to the last one, who also spun an 85. Tie breaker spin-off. Contestant 1 spins a 100, giving him $1,000 bonus prize. Contestant 2 then also spins 100 and also gets the $1,000 bonus. Contestant 1 is getting a little annoyed that he can't eat this guy, even with a 100. The spin again and tie, yet again. A third tie breaker is commissioned and finally a winner is declared. Contestant 2 moves on to the show case.

Wilfred Brimley is still doing diabetes commercials. This amazes me.
"I have Diabeetus."

At the showcase, i think that it's always a good idea to pass the first showcase to the next contestant. The second showcase is always better.
The winner from the showcase bids on his showcase and is so close to the actual retail price that he actually wins both showcases. Both of them. He has to be one the biggest winners on the show in a longtime.

I love this show.

Tuesday, February 17, 2009

Float On Revolution

Writing about music is difficult.

I love music, but i feel like the meaning of music is impossible to put into words.

But I'll try, because it's my grade.



My favorite song has to be "Float On" by Modest Mouse.

I linked to the video on YouTube, which is funny, because this is the first time that i have actually seen the music video.



i love this song for a couple of reasons:

a) It just sounds amazing. I think the musical theory of this song is just great. I can listen to this song over and over and not get tired of it.

b) It's got a good message. When everything is going wrong, don't worry. we'll all float on alright, even if things get a bit too heavy, we'll all float on alright.



there isn't really much else i can say about Float On, and so i will talk about a song so i can get some more length out of this.



"Revolution" by The Beatles
I linked to the better version of the song.
I really like this song because it is always relevant.
This song is basically explaining to everyone that everything is going to be fine, there is no need to cause a commotion.
It has a lot of good one liners about protesters that i find funny, and very true.
"If you go carrying pictures of Chairman Mao, you ain't going to make it with anyone, anyhow."
This song was written during the Vietnam War.
A time when everybody was protesting something, anything.
The Beatles pretty much just told everybody to calm down, everything will be fine.
That really makes me happy.
I think it's funny when I see people protesting wearing Beatles merchandise. They are obviously oblivious.
For that matter, i think it's even funnier when people are wearing Che Guevara shirts. Because they obviously bought them from somewhere. The irony of this is probably my favorite type of irony.

I got off on a little bit of a tangent there. This must be how Seth Macfarline feels.
oh, burn.

End.

Wednesday, February 11, 2009

Oh, life.

My favorite Ronald Reagn quote goes something like this "the best social program is a job."
I need a job.
I don't like having to ask people for money, it's humiliating.
I usually do have a job, or at least something that resembles a job.
It has been almost 6 months since I have had a job.
Four of those months were spent at a White House internship in DC, so I didn't have time for a job.
The next month was spent recuperating from a 13 hour days, 5 days a week.
This last month I have no excuse for. I put in several applications all over Wilmington. Not a one has replied to me.
I found out that Wilmington has the highest unemployment rate in NC.

So, I have gotten pretty efficient on budgeting what my parents will give from time to time, but it's not much, and I'm lad that its not. I hate the kids that don't know how to properly earn what the deserve. my entire high school was filled with them. "Oh, you have a brand new BMW? congrats, I actually know what it's like to work for what I have. Have fun with your car, because it's not taking you far in life."
Random tangent.
Anyway, to get back to my point, I have been trying not to ask my parents for anything unless it is completely necessary, because I know that times are tough and I like to help in anyway that I can.
I decided that this week I didn't need anything. I thought long and hard about this decision.
No, there is nothing that I need this week.

Well, then reality decided to pay me a visit.
It turns out that my new computer, has windows xp, but not Microsoft office.
This means that my computer will function fine, but it doesn't have Microsoft word, excel, power point, or publisher.
All of which are vital for a college student.

I was very mad and I had to swallow my pride when I asked my dad if he could help me out.
Isn't it funny when life decides to pop and just ruin your plans?
because I think it's hilarious.

I love sarcasim.
Can you tell?

Monday, February 9, 2009

Diagnosis: Obvious

Today's blog is brought to you by Jake's brand new laptop and White House Foods, Inc

I love juice. Juice is the win. Mostly apple juice. I consider myself an apple juice connoisseur (White House brand "100% Apple Juice (no sugar added)" is the best). I drink it most everyday, but if there isn't any I'll have a glass of orange juice. This must have built up my immune system quite a bit. That is a lot of vitamins.
But being on campus now and not having a refrigerator, i have no access to the apple juice i crave. And the only place i could get it, the wag, is out of stock most everyday. And wag orange juice is a joke.
Most likely due to the above problem, I haven't been feeling well since last Thursday. I told my mom and as every good mother would, she told me to go down to the doctor on campus. Me being a man, I put this off for a few days. I was busy, don't judge me.
Well today i finally got around to the doctor's office. I sat in the waiting room, filled out some forms, and about 20min later, i was taken back to see the nurse. The nurse explained this year's fad of sickness. It was very similar to what i have.
She took my blood pressure. "Almost high, but normal for someone who is sick"
I stepped on the scales to find my weight.
No response from the nurse.
I was taken to see the actual doctor and he asked me the usual questions and checked my newly made chart that nurse gave him. "Your blood pressure is a little high, but that's normal for someone who is sick."
i think there is a script that they read from.
"225? You are a little big for your age."
I'm aware.
Does he think that this was the reason i came in?
"Doc, i feel fat. Can you weigh me?"
Anyway, he gave me some Mucinex, and i was on my way, feeling worse than i did on the way in.
I have always hated the Mucinex commercials.
Not because it's gross, or anything, but because i feel bad for that blob.
I know that he is annoying, but he is homeless at the end of every episode.

Well, there you go.

Thursday, February 5, 2009

Nature.com (original, right?)

If you are one of the only 4 people that read this blog, then you must be something that knows at least somewhat about who i am.
One thing that most everybody knows about me is that i am very much not an outdoorsy person.
You can imagine my apatheticity when i was told that the class voted on the Nature section to talk about in class.
I am definitely not against nature, it's just not my thing. But i am glad that this section will be drawing to a close.

Being told to research more about nature, i figure, why not go for the obvious, and i typed in "nature.com" in my browser.
turns out, it is real.

But i actually took time to look around at this site, and it is actually a pretty decent one.
It's got daily updated news (nature related, of course),
A career center for people interested in nature themed jobs,
An education center for most anything that you want to know about nature,
and so much more.

It really is a great site, very legit.
I just read an article about the world's largest snake that was just discovered in a fossil.
"Titanoboa cerrejonensis" or "Titanic boa" was 13 meters long and lived "60 million years ago"
Don't get me started on the whole age of the earth thing, but other than that, its a pretty interesting article.

yay nature.

Wednesday, February 4, 2009

Limited Vocabulary

So there are about 6 words that i consistently use:
'awesome', 'retarded', 'ridiculous', 'unnecessary/unneeded', 'gay', and 'counter-productive'
No matter the situation, i will most likely use at least one, if not more of these words.
This is rather sad, actually.
I feel like people can tell what kind of person i am just by looking at those words.
I don't like that.
It's just that i have a rather limited vocabulary.

Now i am going to break down each word, their definition, how often i use the word on a daily basis, synonyms i could use instead, and my reasoning for the use of the word.

"Awesome"
Definition: (awe-sum) adj. To be struck with awe, usually in a positive manner.
How Often I Use It (daily): approx. 386
Synonyms: formidable, amazing, heart-stirring, wonderful, marvelous, impressive, vast, superb
My Reasoning: just a quick, go-to word that can describe anything that is good.

"Retarded"
Definition: (ree-tahr-did) adj. lacking certain mental capacities.
How Often I Use It (daily): approx. 142
Synonyms: dumb, stupid, moronic, waste of time, unnecessary
My Reasoning: I'm not trying to be offensive. It's just a word. It gets your point across.

"Ridiculous"
Definition: (ree-dik-you-lus) adj. something that is unbelievable in some way shape or form, an event worthy of memory
How Often I Use It (daily): approx. 657
Synonyms: absurd, wild, crazy, insane, ludicrous
My Reasoning: again, it's just a good go-to word that gets the point across easily.

"Unnecessary/Unneeded"
Definition: adj. something that is not of importance.
How Often I Use It (daily): approx. 238
Synonyms: irrelevant, hindrance, useless, annoyance
My Reasoning: i feel as though, if used properly, it can be a great way to a)get your point across, and b) sound slightly intelligent.

"Gay"
Definition: adj. often used to describe something stupid or unfortunate
How Often I Use It (daily): approx. 186
Synonyms: retarded, stupid, annoyance
My Reasoning: Again, i am not trying to be offensive. How else am i suppose to describe a fanny pack? it's a little gay.

"Counter-productive"
Definition: adj. having an effect opposite to the one intended
How Often I Use It (daily): approx. 97
Synonyms: annoyance, hindrance, unnecessary
My Reasoning: i feel as though, if used properly, it can be a great way to a)get your point across, and b) sound slightly intelligent.

Well, there you go.

Tuesday, February 3, 2009

YouTube Famous

Hey Hey, i just wanted to let you in on a sneak preview on a future video to be up on YouTube pretty soon.
It's made by some friends of mine who make up a comedy duo called "SpoonBank"
They have created such YouTube hits like "Fresh Prince of Gotham" and "Everyone is Crap"

These guys are really clever, and i was recently given the opportunity to be apart of their latest video.
As far as i know, the video doesn't have a title yet, but i can give you a basic gist of the plot:
It's a recreation of the song "Good Morning Belle" form the Disney movie "Beauty and the Beast"
The catch is that they have rewritten the lyrics and instead of the song being about Belle walking through the village meeting people, it's about a guy walking through YouTube meeting various videos.
As you can guess, all of the characters are parodies of famous YouTube videos.
I don't want to give too much away, but I'll give you a few characters featured (parodied) in the video:
Fred
Batman
Evolution of Dance Guy
Star Wars kid
Miss Teen South Carolina
and so many more.

I play the Star Wars kid.
Spencer, one of SpoonBank's members, actually uploaded a sneak peak online, so I'll link it for you:
click here.
Spencer has actually been in talks with YouTube and was told that this video will be on the front page in the Featured section.
Needless to say, this video is going to be pretty legit.

Well, there you go.
(how's that for a tagline mom?)